What You Choose To Become
Updated: Sep 3, 2019
HEY Y'ALL, HEY!
Welcome to my first blog! I hope you are ready to dive right in. I am new at this so cut me a little slack ;).
DISCLAIMER: These blogs will not be for the faint of heart. I am going to get real. There will be some raw unfiltered truths from my journey. There will be times that you will cry with me, cuss at me, and at some point laugh with or even at me.
People all over the world live every day feeling stuck or unfulfilled in their lives. They struggle with maintaining relationships. They struggle with who they are as individuals. They are stuck in situations that they don't want to be in and they have given up hope.
Many of these people have encountered trauma at some point in their lives and never truly processed it.
I am not an expert in life but I can tell you that you will never reach your true potential or find fulfillment with a past that you have not resolved. It just won't happen.
Did you know that the National Center for PTSD states " Going through trauma is not rare? About 6 of every 10 men (60%) and 5 of every ten women (50%) experience at least one trauma in their lives."
The sad truth is, there is a large chance that you fall into those statistics. I know I do.
I also know that I am more than a statistic and so are YOU!
I would have never described myself as a victim of anything, much less a victim of trauma or PTSD. After all, I am not a war veteran and I sure as shit am not the only person that had a bad mom and crappy childhood.
Up until My 30's, I never really felt fulfilled in life but I always chalked it up to something else. I was just a young mom that had normal anxiety and depression and certainly, people always feel "restless" in life, right?
The truth is, I was a victim of trauma and instead of embracing my past, I was allowing my past to steal my joy and I didn't even know it.
Part of living a fulfilled life is being honest with yourself and accepting the things that have made you who you are. You can't come to terms with the present or future if you are subconsciously living in your past.
Trauma is nothing to be ashamed of. If you are a survivor of a trauma you have walked away with a life skill/ trait that can help you. Survivors are strong, determined, resilient individuals.
If you have been running from something that has hurt you, I beg you to stop. You don't need to be ashamed or alone on this journey. You are strong, tenacious, and have the strength of a warrior. You are bruised not broken and you can heal and live a fulfilled happy life.
Am I proud of my past? Absolutely NOT but I have learned so much through my bad experiences and they have helped me grow and have given me life skills and strengths that I wouldn't have had otherwise.
You are more than what has happened to you and I am living proof!
About a year ago, I found myself in a therapist's office. It was a few sessions in and I knew that this session was going to be a doozie. It was time to discuss my "history" as she called it ::: Obviously, my definition of Hell and hers were two very different things::: I was baffled by the idea that she would want to rehash something that never did anything but cause pain.
I was paying her for her professional expertise and I knew that I needed to give her a chance, so I went with it.
I could have never really prepared for what was to come.
I remember the conversation like it was yesterday, I remember pulling at the strings in the hole in my jeans as I nervously told my story for the very first time. Y'all I was telling my story to a complete stranger. The story that I had hidden from for the better part of my life.
The physical, mental, and sexual abuse. The lying, stealing, and cheating that I was around every day. The drugs, the alcohol, and the toxicity.
All of those things that I swore would never come back to haunt me. When I was done telling her my story, I nonchalantly shrugged my shoulders and said "It is what it is. I now have 2 precious boys, a career, and I am a good person. I have locked that part of my life away and I refuse to acknowledge its existence." Y'all that statement was so true and I was an extremely successful adult considering what I had gone through BUT I was not fulfilled or happy. I was going through the motions.
What came next left me speechless........
"It's a miracle you aren't a prostitute, a drug addict, or a drunk. I am looking at a woman that society would have deemed damaged and I see a warrior. You are a fighter, a survivor, and a thriver. I can't begin to imagine the work you will do in your life when we start working through this PTSD."
That most definitely was not the response I was expecting. I hid from all of these things in my past with the fear of what people would think of me and this stranger just called me a warrior!
She hugged me as I left and whispered: "You are not what has happened to you, you are what you choose to become".
I had no idea how much that session was going to transform me but it was the beginning of finding the me that I was put on this earth to be!
If you are reading this, I want you to know that there is more to life than going through the motions. If you are feeling stuck or unhappy with your life it is completely normal. This is your body's way of communicating with you.
Maybe you didn't have trauma in your life. Maybe you are just being called to do something bigger and need to start recognizing your value. This is your opportunity to transform those emotions of self-pity into determination. When you start to recognizing your value you will start making better choices. You will learn to leverage your positive characteristics and become a happier person.
Empower yourself to be MORE!
Until Next Time,